The End Of The Dwarf
by Mr.Henry
Summary: If only they knew the fatal flaw... The Crew of the Green Adventurer are short of supplies, the Boys from the Dwarf offer to help them, but what they don't know is they're out to destroy them... NOTE: CHAPTER 2'S ENDING HAS BEEN CHANGED. CHAP. 3 UP SOON.
1. Arrival

** THE END OF THE DWARF.**

**I DO NOT OWN RED DWARF. IT BELONGS TO ROB GRANT AND DOUG NAYLOR. THIS FIC IS WHAT THE TITLE SAYS THE END OF THE DWARF. ENJOY.**

CHAPTER ONE: ARRIVAL.

Dave Lister, lowly technician and professional space bum, lay tiredly in the top bunk, as Rimmer strolled around in circles, his eyes darting around in worry.

"Rimmer..." Lister croaked wearily, as he rubbed his eyes, and fixed his eyes on the Hologram below, "What the smeg are you doing...?"

"I say if they are not nice as they seem, we go in and gloop them..." Rimmer snapped brusquely to the mechanoid beside him.

"But Mr. Rimmer sir they are low on sustenance supplies, surely sir we could be of service to these benign space travelers such as ourselves?..." Kryten suggested arguably. After a lingering pause, Rimmer cleared his throat.

"Nope-" Rimmer responded simply a small smirk appearing on his face.

"Yeah for once goalpost head is right, even if his face is a caboose like a moose!" Cat interrupted, entering the Sleeping Quarters. Rimmer scowled at the Cat for a second before seating himself on the edge of his bunk steadily.

"Haven't we encountered a situation like this before?" Rimmer asked, "Where we give our trust to these people who are seemingly nice, and then as we meet them face to face they are stark raving insane mutants? Am I the only one here who remembers?" Rimmer questioned bitterly. Suddenly Lister shifted from his bunk and climbed down the stairs, and stood infront of the Hologram.

"What is bloody going on?" Lister questioned, angered by the fact he was not informed of this.

"Novelty Condom Head here wants to let aboard a pack of strange wanderers into our vessel who we do not know might be blood-thirsty colossuses who will quite happily indulge themselves on our flesh..." Rimmer stated.

"Maybe your right... Kryten I suggest we bring the bazookoids with us, and we'll make sure no-one's gonna mess with the boys from the Dwarf!"

With a nod of agreement the crew hit the corridor, their bazookoids cocked and ready for what they were about to discover. When they arrived at the Landing Bay, a small craft had already arrived, before their presence.

"This it Krytes..." Lister stated shifting infront of the crew, as the door to the craft opened and three humans stepped carefully down the ramp, and onto the cold Bay floor. They too had weaponry, cocking their guns as Lister took a step towards them. The strangers consisted of two male and one female. The first male was butch and had short black hair, and a bristly beard, wearing a brown jacket, and brown trousers armed with a handgun. The second male was short and pot-bellied, hairless and armed with a laser pistol, attired in a grey shirt, and baggy jeans. The third was a blond and voluptuous female, her green eyes glistening, her facial looks a splendorous sight, wearing a green catsuit, her long eyelashes fluttered at the Cat as she cleared the first man cleared his throat:

"We do not mean to bring you any harm, we merely want to take some of your food supplies as we cannot survive any longer... We have spent three weeks with very little food, and only a drop of water, we'd be very grateful if you would help us, as we are trying desperately to return to our home planet... Earth."

As soon as Lister heard the mention of Earth, he grinned happily. So he wasn't the only human being in the universe. So if they were not a member of the Space Corps, what were they? He had questions.

"You mean you are humans?" Lister questioned, "I'm a human aswell, how far have you got in gettin' back to Earth...?"

"... Mr. Lister asks have you made any progress in returning home? Kryten said to the three humans.

"Infact we have..." The female responded in a slivery smooth voice. Cat gazed in amazement. A women. A female. Everything about her was flawless in the Cat's eyes, but little did he know she had a fatal deficiency. "We have recently obtained a tracking device which will lead us to Earth. We have not tested it just yet, but if we type in the co-ordinates of Earth it will lead us to it, we just need to wire it into our control panel..."

"Why can't you just put the co-ordinates into your shipboard computer, and let it guide you home...?" Lister questioned in intrigue.

"Because that would take over a matter of five million years, but if we wire this into the controls we could get to Earth in a matter of seconds, infact hyperspeed... The female replied smugly. Lister glanced at the crew who seemed to be just as impressed as he was.

"Could you bring me home?" Lister asked, unable to contain his excitement any longer. The three humans exchanged looks with each other and after an extensive silence...

"I don't see why not..." The female responded not bothered by his question.

"What's your name?" The Cat asked dreamily marveling in the female's beauty.

"My name? Lucy Johan... Co-Leader of our vessel the Green Adventurer." She announced, as the rest of the strange crew strolled passed them, but then they halted in confusion.

"I am Jack Hadgrave, and my colleague Paul Beckett..." The first male said, pointing at the second male standing beside him.

"Where is your Supply Unit?" Paul asked.

"G Deck, first corridor, first room on the left..." Kryten responded cheerfully, "It is a pleasure to have you aboard our vessel..."

Meanwhile, Rimmer was watching as the crew of the Green Adventurer departed with the crew of Red Dwarf. Everything had turned super-duper for Dave Lister. But there was not a point when he Arnold J. Rimmer had ever got lucky, or ever got a glimpse of him achieving his ambitions in life. He never became Captain. He'd never been accepted by the bootlicking cronies of Captain Hollister. He hated himself, and he hated Red Dwarf. The ship was filled with bad memories. Gazpacho soup day. The day he had ever sat at the Captain's table. He remembered telling the chef to take away his cold soup, and bring it back hot. And they laughed at his stupidity as he ate his steaming soup. He shuddered as he reminisced back to that day. And it was his fault for not mending the drive plate properly. He had failed at everything in his life. And that was why he couldn't stand to see anyone happy and fulfilled. Especially a curry-eating slob who had as much manners as a childish repugnant scamp. And he had always hated himself for what he was. A failure. Slowly Rimmer turned around to see he was alone on the Landing Bay, Rimmer exhaled sadly, and ambled out of the Landing Bay.


	2. Death

**I HAVE REWRITTEN CHANGED THE ENDING TO CHAPTER TWO BECAUSE I THINK IT MIGHT HAVE GONE A BIT TOO FAST...**

As the crew of the Green Adventurer and Red Dwarf entered the Supply Unit, the Cat turned to Lucy.

"Hi..." The Cat greeted cooly. The girl laughed and stepped towards him. She was only an inch away from him, and her lavender perfume was overwhelming. Slowly she bent forward, her breasts becoming more exposed, her lips puckering up for a kiss, the Cat leaned into her excitedly, as her lips began to move closer, but suddenly she pulled back grinning flirtatiously.

"Little kitties have to behave if they want to have their treat... And I know little kitties like something they can stick their teeth into..." She whispered softly, before following the others who were carrying out the supplies from the Supply Unit to the GA (Green Adventurer.)

Meanwhile Kryten entered the GA with Paul, carrying various supplies, into their Mid-Section.

"I think that should be all..." Kryten said tiredly, placing the supplies on the table in the centre of the room. "Would you like to rest in our vessel for the night, I'm sure you are tired after your long journey... Dinner will be served at 700 hours..."

"Thank you we shall accept your invitation... Have you provided us with any Sleeping Quarters?"

"Oh that has been accounted for sir..." Kryten replied happily, walking out of the GA.

700 Hours. Dinnertime.

The Red Dwarf crew and the guests from the GA, were seated at the Dinner Table. Paul gazed at the meal on his plate, and began to eat dubiously. The food was a very overcooked curry dish. It was filled with various spices so much so, you could taste nothing else. The meal had a reputation for burning the tongue, removing all taste buds present.

"Are you enjoying your meal, sirs?" Kryten questioned them. The GA crew managed a smile though their features were still in a disgusted expression as they found it very hard to stomach.

"Mr. Lister sir?" Kryten asked cheerily to the slob beside him. Lister gave him two thumbs up and responded with a full mouth:

"Brill Krytes..."

Lucy cringed in horror as she saw Lister chew open-mouthed. It was horrid to watch the food churn around his mouth like a cement mixer, curry sauce trickling down his chin and on to his leather jacket.

"Lister I don't think our guests are impressed by your utter slobbiness..." Rimmer muttered angrily, sitting opposite him.

"No it's fine really, anyone can eat how they want." Jack lied, swallowing a piece of meat.

"Eurgh... Gross, I can't eat this!" Cat wailed.

"Perhaps you'd like to join me in my quarters?" Lucy asked sexily. Cat's eyes widened and he stared into Space. After a pause he cried:

"YEEES!"

Rimmer rolled his eyes as the Cat and Lucy ran from view and into the corridor. The remaining GA crew spoke no words and continued eating. Rimmer frowned at his dish.

"Are you not going to eat sir?" Kryten asked.

"Eat that? That looks like something that's been stuck up Lister's nostrils for fifty million years... I'm not eating that... I'm going for a lie down..."

Arriving at his Quarters, Rimmer instantly lay on the bottom bunk.

"Get lost Bog Bot..." Rimmer said dismissing him. Kryten whimpered in sadness and trudged out. A second later he came back in.

"Are you sure there isn't anything-?"

"No, get out!" Rimmer boomed angrily. Kryten sobbed quietly and left the room. Rimmer exhaled and relaxed only to be irritated by the yowling and moaning of the Cat and Lucy in the next room. Slowly, he drifted off and before he knew it...

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

"YOOOOOWWWWLLLL!"

"AIEEEE!"

Rimmer awoke with a jolt, and heard the screams of his crewmates. What was going on? Rimmer hit the corridor, and darted around desperately in search for a firearm. But Rimmer was puzzled and worried and he couldn't find his bearings, he just wondered through the corridor, and stumbled into the Dining Room, where Kryten's lifeless body lay in the doorway. His metal frame was crushed and his circuit boards had been blown to pieces, his head was battered and damaged very severely.

"Kryten...?" Rimmer called to the corpse. No response. "Dead..." Rimmer whispered to himself.

Suddenly he heard a low roar behind him. And Rimmer dawdled through the doorway into the Dining Room, where he found an injured Lister, clutching his bloody arm, a bazookoid by his side.

"Lister...? Lister what the smeg is going on?" Rimmer inquired worriedly.

"Rimmer... Aban... Ship... Abandon... Ship... They... Attack... Us Rimmer..." Lister croaked.

"They? The GA crew? Lister?"

"Rim... Rimmer you smeghead..."

"Don't you call me a smeghead Lister... Lister?"

Lister's groaned and muttered inaudibly.

"Lister I'm going to help you, I'm going to something right for once..." Rimmer responded calmly, and with all the strength he could muster helped Lister to his feet, before retrieving the bazookoid Lister had lost his grip on. The roar sounded again and much louder this time. Rimmer and Lister hit the next turning, and hurtled down the corridor.

"Where are we going?" Lister questioned in confusion.

"To look for the Cat as much as I hate the egocentric chump I can't lose one of our crewmates..." Rimmer replied, coming to an intersection.

"That's not like you Rimmer... That's not like you at all... When you're in trouble you sod everyone else, and jump in the nearest escape pod and bugger off..." Lister argued.

"Yes exactly. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this so I can feel I'm not an utter heartless bastard. I'm doing this because I want to feel brave. I want to feel I have succeeded in something other than being a total failure..." Rimmer responded simply, before turning off into the Kitchen Area, where he heard a small whimper.

"Cat?" Lister called in worry. As they rounded a corner, they saw the Cat curled in a ball, beside the sideboard, blood trickling down his chest from his left arm.

"Help me buddy... This is a disaster... My suit is ruined, red with yellow? This is a nightmare..."

"C'mon Cat we're gonna get out of this mess..." Lister assured him, "Rimmer, where's Kryten?" Lister questioned to Rimmer in concern.

"Dead..." Rimmer replied sadly. Lister's expression was a mixture of sadness and anger.

"Dead? How?"

"I don't know Lister, I found him... Let's say he was in a bad shape..." Rimmer responded, before strolling out of the Kitchen Area. "Come on Listy, Cat to the Cargo Bay..."

"To the Cargo Bay, Rimmer we're gonna fight for this beastly red brute if you like it or not..." Lister said quietly, in a dulcet tone.

"Why fight for this rustbucket, I suggest we get out of here, before are body is torn open and devoured in five minutes time?" Rimmer snapped apathetically.

"Because... I've been in space for so long... It almost seems normal... And this _rustbucket_ carries memories..." Lister stated, pressing his finger firmly on the sideboard, referring to the ship. "Some bad memories, but mostly good memories, and I know you've had a bad time on this brute, but you never remember the good times do ya?"

"... That's because I've never had any Lister..." Rimmer pointed out.

"Yeah well y'know what I mean, I've been in this brute for so long... It feels kinda homey... And I've come to realize this is my home... Now let's go and fight these monsters..." Lister ordered.

"Who are these fiendish monsters, Listy?" Rimmer questioned in puzzlement.

"You mean you don't know... Rimmer... The GA crew, they're a bunch of shapeshifting mutants from their lost planet..."

"And that Planet is?" Rimmer asked.

"I dunno somethin' confusing like Nujubeejafa..."

"Yes, because understanding was never your strong point was it, Listy?"

"They kidnapped me Rimmer... They took me into their ship and they tied me down, they want human life Rimmer... They say I'm part of an experiment, but they won't tell me what..." Lister put brusquely with a hint of anger.

"Why didn't you tell me this before... Now I know I am _actually _facing a army of malevolent monstrosities, something tells me that being brave is going to get me nowhere quite fast..." Rimmer muttered to himself.

"Just shuddup Rimmer... You said you were gonna do the right thing, well do the right thing, follow me..." Lister demanded, walking away from him.

"... Come on Cat... Let's go, and maybe we can stop Lister from taking the insane option of going to war with these manic mutants, and getting his stomach ripped open, and his guts eaten..." Rimmer told the creature sobbing over his suit. Slowly, the Cat picked himself up and followed Lister and Rimmer down another corridor, just as they came to an intersection, the GA crew arrived still in their humanoid form. Rimmer quickly handed the bazookoid to Lister, and shuffled behind him in fear.

"Stop..." Lucy ordered to the remainders of the RD crew, "And hand us over the human, and we will spare you your lives..." Rimmer narrowed his eyes at her, and stepped closer to her.

"And what do _I _get out of it...?" He asked angrily.

"You... Get your life spared, isn't that a good thing?" Lucy replied in confusion.

"Getting my life spared? Is that it? Getting my life spared a good thing? Getting my car crash of an excruciatingly cringe-worthy life spared a good thing? What about a holiday on an exotic planet which is three million light years away? I could go fishing for tropical fish, and bathe in the sun... But oh no you're going to spare my life? That's absolutely rubbish, I'm already dead anything, and now what I'm living is a car crash of an excruciatingly cringe-worthy _after_life... The only thing I have to my name is my BSC and my SSC..."

"Bronze Swimming Certificate, Silver Swimming Certificate..." Lister whispered.

"Quiet Lister..." Rimmer snapped, "If you should spare my life, you should do it only if I get a reward to make it a tinniest bit better..." Rimmer interrupted in infuriation. There was a long silence before one of the men Paul cleared his throat.

"Just hand us over the human..." He growled, handling a double-barreled laser firearm, pointing it directly at Rimmer, "Believe me these bullets will cause as much damage to you as they do to humans..."

After a pause, Rimmer cleared his throat also.

"... Ergo, we surrender, totally and without condition-"

"No, Rimmer you smegger!" Lister snapped, and fired a bullet directly into the chest of Paul. As it did so Paul clutched his chest, as green blood began to pour from it, and he fell to his knees, his true alien form growing out of his skin.

"Oh Listy, what have you done?" Rimmer asked, his face an expression of horror, as the monstrous figure climbed out of Paul's skin. He looked like a giant-size green bull with razor sharp claws. Suddenly Paul let out a huge roar, and began to approach Rimmer who screamed at the top of his voice:

"!"

Rimmer spun around and hurtled down the corridor, with Lister and Cat following closely behind him. The rest of the GA crew chased the RD crew also, their true form emerging. Rimmer and the Cat were ahead by now and had rounded the corridor when they halted for a moment. "Lister?" Rimmer called, "Oh smeg!" He exclaimed in worry, and raced back around the previous corridor to see Lister... Out of sight...

"They've taken Lister... Come on let's find us some more weaponry and hurry!" Rimmer mumbled anxiously. Cat picked up Lister's lone bazookoid, and hurtled down the corridor. Finally, where they arrived at the Landing Bay they found Lister's body being carried up the ramp to the GA craft. Slowly the two of them crept around the Bay, and hid themselves behind a pillar.

"Right Cat, we don't want to cause them any suspicion. Do not attack them. We could just we if we could settle the matter first before-"

"Hey you guys, give me back my bud!" Cat screamed cocking his bazookoid, and jumping out from behind the pillar, and shooting Paul and Jack, who were somewhat injured by the blow and collapsed onto the floor, dropping Lister's body, which rolled back down the ramp, and onto the Bay floor. Rimmer put his palm over his face, the Cat had not listened to a word he had said. Hearing the shots, Rimmer observed Lucy exit her ship, and glance around, as she began to approach Lister, Rimmer crept out slowly, and stayed rooted to the spot behind the Cat in worry. The Cat stood by Lister's body, and cocked his gun once more. "Don't you go anywhere near my bud..." Cat snapped angrily.

"We're going to save him... We're going to help him come back to Earth, don't you remember?" Lucy questioned innocently.

"So why sedate him and send him off to Wonderland, while you begin to try and eat our flesh... I tell you it doesn't seem to be innocent to me..." Rimmer put brusquely, "And Listy here told us a different story, what's this experiment you are planning?"

"... That's... I can't tell you that-"

"Oh but you will tell us, otherwise it's mutant spaghetti for dinner..." Cat interrupted, settling Lucy in his firing range.

"Then you'll never know..." Lucy whispered, retrieving a laser pistol out of her pocket, and shooting the Cat in the chest. Before Rimmer could react Lucy aimed her firearm at him. Rimmer picked up Cat's bazookoid and cocked it aiming it at her. "So now it's between you and me... Mr. Rimmer..."

"Indeedy. Oh dear, is that time, must dash-" Rimmer began.

"No... You will stay right here..." Lucy ordered, gesturing with her gun for him to move next to the pillar, he had just come from. "We'll take care of your friend Rimmer, don't worry..." Rimmer still held his gun firmly between his palms. "You can't win... These bullets can travel minutes faster and can do much more damage than yours..."

Behind Lucy, her small shadow was shuffling through the Landing Bay, armed with an extensive firearm. And in a flash, a trigger was pulled, a gunshot sounded, and Rimmer was...

Still standing by the pillar, bazookoid quivering in his hands, looking slowly up he saw a hideous sight meet his eyes...


End file.
